Does the columnist Dave Barry make you laugh?
Here are a few select excerpts from a column titled, “Dining with Babies Causes Stressful Ambience.”
Can you relate?
If you’re a new parent, there will come a time when either you or your spouse will say these words: ‘Let’s take the baby to a restaurant!’… It’s like saying: ‘Let’s take a moose to the opera!'”
It’s best to pay your bill as you enter the restaurant, adding a little extra (say, $800) to compensate for the fact that after you’re finished, your table may have to be burned.
Request a table in a location that will not disturb other diners. For example, if you want to eat at an elegant restaurant in New York City, you should try to get a table on the roof. Or, better still, at a Bob’s Big Boy in Cleveland.
Sometimes I spend the entire meal carrying my daughter around the restaurant, crossing paths with other nomadic parents carrying their children around, each of us leaving a trail of drool. Our big night out! It may not sound like fun to you, but we parents of newborns are able to enjoy it because of our philosophy of life, which can be summed up by the immortal words penned by William Shakespeare shortly after the birth of his first child: “Woogum woogum woogum woogum!”