Daly Focus Blog
Who we are often gets buried underneath a mountain of what we do.
There’s something much deeper to all of us that we’ll struggle to find until we get beneath the surface into the deeper question of “Who am I?” We were created for more than just working every day.
Ernie Johnson Jr. had that kind of an identity crisis. You’d never know it from the outside. He was an award-winning sportscaster for national television networks.
When Kim Meeder was growing up, she adored her parents.
She thought her father was a superhero. He didn’t wear a cape, fly, or leap tall buildings, but there wasn’t much else he couldn’t do. Her mother was the most beautiful and loving woman in the world, and Kim wanted to grow up to be just like her.
But when she was just nine years old, Kim lost both of her parents in a horrific tragedy that shattered her heart and left her disillusioned with God.
Author Dannah Gresh says one of the most common fears mothers share with her is, “Am I messing up my kids?”
Her answer: Yes.
That may not seem like a very encouraging response, but if you’re struggling as a parent, you need peace. And to get peace, you need truth. And the truth is, every parent – myself included – is in the same boat.
We’re imperfect people raising imperfect people.
But if that’s true, how do moms learn to trust God with their parenting and with their children?
There’s a buzzword in pop culture that’s supposed to reveal the secret to a happy marriage.
“Chemistry.”
Successful relationships, we’re told, ultimately boil down to two people sharing common interests.
Obviously, the more points of agreement between a husband and wife, the better. But in God’s economy, the secret to a thriving marriage isn’t in a couple’s similarities, but in how they handle their differences.
God designed marriage to bring together two unique individuals into a sacred union where they “become one.” That requires a lot of hard work, selflessness, and a commitment to love your spouse through the good and the ugly.
Are you a clam or a crowbar?
That’s an analogy Dr. David Clarke uses to help husbands and wives understand how their poor communication skills have landed them in his counseling office.
In almost every marriage, there’s a clam. The percentages suggest it’s usually men, but it can be women, too.
In either case, clams are the ones who don’t naturally talk on an emotionally deep level. They clam up. But every time they do, their spouses break out a crowbar to pry them open.
“I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”
Quick. Who said that?
If you don’t know the answer, here’s a clue: He was an American Patriot who said those words at the age of twenty-one just before he was hanged.
Still no guesses?
Don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. That kind of rich history hasn’t been taught very well for decades. It’s alarming, frankly.
Knowing and understanding our history is much more important than memorizing a sea of dates and names.
I like being busy and working hard. God gave us work for our benefit. It’s meant to enrich our lives while we’re providing for our families.
But too much of a good thing ain’t so good. If you’re not careful, you can miss the joys of life along the way.
Several years ago, when my now teenage boys were just little guys, I had an encounter with Trent and Troy that has become a cherished memory.
Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs were married for ten years … the first time.
Their life together started perfectly. They moved to Los Angeles in their mid-twenties and were living the California lifestyle. They were successful at their jobs, they made a lot of money, and they even had an ocean-front home with all of the right stuff to fill it.
But for Cheryl, marriage was empty.
She thought the lack of intimacy between her and Jeff would eventually correct itself.
I used to believe there was such a thing as perfect families. It started with The Brady Bunch. Mike and Carol were loving parents, the kids always seemed happy, and the family’s problems were not only minimal but easy to solve.
As I grew older, I wondered if everybody else around me had a perfect family, too. That’s how they all looked from the outside, anyway.
I’ve been ministering to families for nearly three decades, and I can tell you that a lot of parents feel intense pressure to be perfect.
One day, well into her adult years, Florence Littauer’s dad invited her into a tiny back room of the little store he had operated for decades. Against one wall was an upright piano. Her dad reached behind it and pulled an old cigar box from its hiding place.
Inside were articles he had published in the local paper. Florence was surprised. She had no idea her father was a writer. He’d never discovered his true potential because no one had ever encouraged him.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
