Daly Focus Blog
My wife, Jean, loves decorating for Christmas. If you step into our garage, you’ll notice an assortment of nearly 30 boxes and plastic bins in the rafters. They’re filled with all of the Christmas decorations we’ve accumulated over the decades. My part of the job begins Thanksgiving weekend. I pull everything down and haul it into the house, so Jean can do her thing. I love how beautiful our home looks when she’s done.
One year, I offered to help her.
Almost everything moves at the speed of light these days. A hundred years ago a handwritten note from New York to London took four weeks. Today, we can send digital content around the world in fractions of a second. We can even order just about anything from our living room couch and have it delivered to our front door overnight.
We’re so accustomed to immediate results that we expect it in our parenting as well. Our children make a mistake, we correct them once, then we expect an immediate and permanent change in their behavior.
Love songs and Hallmark movies paint a lovely image of intimacy. Love is easy. Just find the right person, and you’ll never struggle. You’ll always feel positive about your marriage and your spouse.
But real life usually takes more work than that. Which is where problems in a marriage often develop. Words like “commitment” and “action” sound like intimacy killers, not something that sparks it to life.
So, what does intimacy in marriage look like anyway?
What do you remember most about last Christmas?
How about Christmas ten years ago?
I’m sure a gift or two comes to mind, but I’ll bet family is what you remember most. I remember my boys Trent and Troy jumping into our bed Christmas mornings before the sun even came up. They had patiently waited for December 25th, now it was time to get things going. Jean and I would grab some coffee and watch the boys disappear behind a tornado of wrapping paper and excitement.
Rosaria Butterfield was a tenured professor at Syracuse University who taught queer studies. She was also a lesbian activist who opposed Christianity and wrote scathing articles against people of faith. She even testified before Congress on behalf of the LGBT community.
She was beyond God’s reach.
Or so a lot of people thought. Instead, God worked through a series of unique people and circumstances to change her heart and demonstrate that no one is beyond His reach.
Most of us like predictability in life – things we can count on. But then Christmas comes along and reminds us that life is full of surprises.
My boys, Trent and Troy, are grown now. Which is probably why they decided it was time to reveal a Christmas secret they’d been hiding. For years at Christmas Eve, they sneaked downstairs and unwrapped their presents. After seeing what they got, they carefully rewrapped each gift and went back to bed, stifling excited whispers.
As the old saying goes, “You can choose your friends, but not your family.”
You discover how true that is during the holidays. Spending time with family members who see the world differently than you do can be stressful. To fill this season with joy and peace instead of frustration and conflict, here are a few ideas to keep in mind:
First, try these three magical words: “Tell me more.” Conflicts are less likely to escalate when people feel heard.
I don’t know about you, but thoughts of heaven bring me great comfort!
I love the promise in Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we’re taking a unique look at the God of heaven – the Creator of the universe and the Light and Lover of our souls – with John Burke.
In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, we learn about Aslan, a great lion who rules Narnia. Susan, a little girl who stumbles into the enchanted world through a magic wardrobe, asks Mr. Beaver if Aslan is safe.
“Safe?” Mr. Beaver replies. “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King.”
God, whom Aslan symbolizes, isn’t safe, either. We never know when or how God will show up in our lives.
When you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye, do you understand why?
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, a common reason most couples overlook is birth order. That little boy, that little girl that you once were, you still are. Your birth order influences how you see relationships and, therefore, your marriage.
Birth order is the dynamic relationship that exists between a parent and a child and between a child and his or her siblings.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
