Daly Focus Blog
Many marriages are like the community of Beebe Plain, Vermont. They’re divided.
The international border between Canada and the United States runs right down the middle of Beebe Plain, Vermont. It splits the main road through town in half. It also cuts right through the middle of a building on the east side of town called the Haskell Free Library and Opera House. Inside, there’s even a black line painted on the floor that marks where one country ends and another begins.
Do you ever wonder:
Is there a Creator?
If God is real, why do people suffer?
What does Easter have to do with the existence of God?
If God exists, why does He seem hidden or distant?
Can we deduce anything about God from scientific evidence?
Does our DNA reveal anything about God as a designer?
Can God be personally experienced?
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, I’m talking with former atheist, Lee Strobel.
Do you remember all those times when your parents told you to “play fair”? Well, what if I told you – when it comes to marriage – don’t?
“Playing fair” is one of the worst things you can do to a relationship. It’s a big reason so many couples struggle to forgive their spouse when they make a mistake. “Fair” is all about keeping things even between two people – which sounds good in theory but doesn’t work so well in practice.
Author Curtis Chang personally understands the suffering anxiety causes. Growing up, he was a latchkey kid who dealt with severe anxiety every day, tormenting him with fearful thoughts that his parents would never come home from work and leave him to fend for himself. He coped by repeatedly calling his mother’s office and tracking her arrival home.
While serving as a pastor, Curtis coped with anxiety through preparation and study. But the stress of pastoring eventually pushed him beyond his ability to cope, and he had a breakdown.
Merry Christmas!
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, I’m celebrating the holiday in a unique way. Here are few hints. Think:
Long beards.
Duck hunting.
Camouflage outfits.
The backwoods of Louisiana.
Delicious Cajun recipes.
That’s right. I’m exploring the joys of family and faith and reflecting on what Christmas is all about with Phil and “Miss Kay” Robertson of the Duck Dynasty clan.
They share fun stories – like:
How to cook a squirrel.
If you’re a fan of the television show Seinfeld, you probably remember the episode about “Festivus” – the absurd, pseudo-holiday created by the loveable curmudgeon Frank Costanza.
According to Frank, the holiday is celebrated on December 23 to combat the commercialization of Christmas. He created the holiday when his holiday shopping resulted in a fistfight with another man who reached for the last doll on the shelf at the same time. It was while – as Frank put it – he “rained blows upon the man” that Frank came up with the idea for “a Festivus for the rest of us!”
There were two important components to “Festivus.” The first was called the “Airing of Grievances.” This tradition was about scolding family members for their disappointing failures.
Driving is a great illustration for life.
First, what makes driving safe? That line painted down the middle of the road. It’s a boundary that tells you what lane is yours and what lane is mine.
Second, in driving and in life, we encounter people and circumstances everywhere we go that force us to respond quickly and make good decisions.
And third, to get to where we want to go, we must be in the correct lane.
My wife, Jean, loves decorating for Christmas. If you step into our garage, you’ll notice an assortment of nearly 30 boxes and plastic bins in the rafters. They’re filled with all of the Christmas decorations we’ve accumulated over the decades. My part of the job begins Thanksgiving weekend. I pull everything down and haul it into the house, so Jean can do her thing. I love how beautiful our home looks when she’s done.
One year, I offered to help her.
Almost everything moves at the speed of light these days. A hundred years ago a handwritten note from New York to London took four weeks. Today, we can send digital content around the world in fractions of a second. We can even order just about anything from our living room couch and have it delivered to our front door overnight.
We’re so accustomed to immediate results that we expect it in our parenting as well. Our children make a mistake, we correct them once, then we expect an immediate and permanent change in their behavior.
Love songs and Hallmark movies paint a lovely image of intimacy. Love is easy. Just find the right person, and you’ll never struggle. You’ll always feel positive about your marriage and your spouse.
But real life usually takes more work than that. Which is where problems in a marriage often develop. Words like “commitment” and “action” sound like intimacy killers, not something that sparks it to life.
So, what does intimacy in marriage look like anyway?
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
