Daly Focus Blog
“It’s just like an American to think you invented the family.”
That’s what Dr. Lilian Wahomey, a psychologist in Kenya, jokingly said to me years ago. We were exploring ways Focus on the Family could come alongside families in Africa. Since that conversation, I’ve been to more than 70 countries, but at the time I hadn’t done much international travel, so I wondered if the needs of American couples differed from couples around the world.
So I asked Dr.
Every couple experiences transitions in marriage. Believe it or not, most of them are predictable – in some cases unavoidable. You’re no doubt familiar with the “baby makes three” phase and the “empty-nest years.” Between those two are other transitions that will significantly impact your time, energy, and relationship with each other. For a healthy marriage, it’s important to handle these transitions in ways that strengthen your marriage instead of causing rifts.
According to relationship experts Bill and Pam Farrel, women tend to reevaluate their lives between their late 20’s and late 30’s.
I loved every stage of raising my two boys, Trent and Troy. I enjoyed them as babies. I enjoyed their energy as little boys. I enjoyed watching them grow up and become young, godly men. My greatest honor and privilege in life has been to be their dad. I’m sure you feel the same way about your children.
Nevertheless, I’m sure you’d also agree that some seasons of parenting can be challenging. Raising kids well is inconvenient.
A good marriage is like good music.
To understand what I mean, think about your favorite song. No doubt one reason it moves you the way it does is the voice of the lead singer. But more than you realize, the backing vocals are what bring a song’s melody alive. Background singers harmonize with the lead vocals, giving the song’s melody a richness the lead singer could never achieve alone.
In a similar way, couples who make beautiful music together are those who surround themselves with background singers – like family members, close friends, or a marriage counselor – someone who encourages them forward when the marriage journey gets difficult.
So, here’s the scenario. It’s a weeknight, and your child has spent most of the evening on the same school assignment. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t understand the information. To top it off, he’s brought home a note from the teacher warning you about a failing grade.
The question is should you panic?Many parents do. They assume the worst, thinking their child has a behavior problem, difficulty learning, or is just plain lazy.
In truth, school challenges like this aren’t a crisis most of the time.
What would you like your obituary to say about you? If you want to feel confident in what those final words say, you may want to write them yourself.
That’s what Pennsylvania schoolteacher Ashley Koozma did. She faced a losing battle with cancer and wrote her own obituary, explaining what she discovered about life by contemplating her death. She closed her reflections with these words: “What do you value in life? In the end, that’s what matters.”
Ashley is right.
When you hear about teenage boys in the news, it’s usually because they’re in trouble. Boys who act out get all the headlines. Which is too bad because a far greater number of teenage boys exhibit good character. They make their moms and dads proud. They don’t take from their communities; they serve them.
How do we raise boys into men with that kind of character? Mentoring. Mentoring is when an older man comes alongside a younger man and guides him through the challenges of life with wisdom and grace.
How do kids grow up with a healthy sense of their own worth? There are a lot of ways for them to learn, from team sports and a good youth group to artistic ability and academic achievements. The best way of all is the influence of a loving mom and dad in everyday moments of life.
A colleague once told me about the time he took his young daughter with him while he ran an errand to the store.
Dr. Josh Straub says, “Communication in marriage is overrated.”
What he means is that most couples believe the root of conflict is what they’re communicating about – money, sex, chores, stress, parenting styles, etc. Dr. Straub says conflict is about a couple’s “meta-communication” – that is, how they communicate with each other: their tone of voice and their attitude toward each other.
That’s why couples often can’t remember what they fight about, but they do remember feeling angry, hurt, abandoned, or betrayed after their conflict.
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we’re commemorating the beginning of the Olympics in Paris by featuring a recorded message by Kim Hamilton Anthony, a world-class gymnast who overcame a rough start in life.
Kim’s mother grew up in a four-room house with 13 of her relatives. There were a lot of mouths to feed and a lot of bills to pay. She became pregnant as a teenager. Confused and scared, she was told that a self-induced abortion was the only solution.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
