Daly Focus Blog
Do you ever waste time with your spouse?
That may seem like an odd question. But your answer will get to the heart of what your relationship with your spouse is all about.
You see, some couples don’t do too well with “wasting” time with one another. Simply being together with no particular agenda and nothing to focus their attention on except their spouse is uncomfortable.
In other words, they have a hard time with intimacy.
The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year. But it can also be one of the most stressful.
Spending time with family during Thanksgiving and Christmas sounds enjoyable in July and August. But once November and December arrive, you realize how much needs to get done, and you remember what’s it like to be in a house filled with people who have different interests, different traditions, even differing political and spiritual viewpoints.
Two days after Jocelyn Green and her husband married, the military relocated them from Washington, D.C. to Alaska. A few weeks later – on their one-month anniversary, in fact – her husband kissed her goodbye and left for deployment.
Military couples can relate to the uncertainty and stress deployment causes. They can also identify with the challenges the Greens faced once they reunited. Jocelyn and her husband expected their reunion to feel like a second honeymoon.
According to some reports, Americans spent $72 billion on wedding ceremonies last year. That puts the average cost in the neighborhood of $30,000 per ceremony.
By contrast, most married couples will never invest a fraction of that amount into the marriage itself.
A successful marriage isn’t the by-product of an extravagant ceremony or an expensive honeymoon. If that were the case, celebrities would routinely set the standard for strong, healthy marriages.
A happy, fulfilling marriage isn’t about the big day, it’s about the every day.
When you first got married, did you assume your relationship with your spouse would remain pretty much the same from year to year? Many couples do. That’s probably why so many wind up shocked and utterly confused when life around them changes … and their marriage along with it.
According to our guests on today’s program, relationship experts Bill and Pam Farrel, the key is to recognize that changes are coming – probably sooner than we think – and to prepare for them.
Is it possible to change your husband?
Well, yes and no.
Researcher John Gottman says that around 60 percent of the dynamics in a marriage will never change. When you marry somebody, you’re marrying them essentially as they are. A person who’s perpetually late may never care if they’re on time. A neat-freak will never feel comfortable with clutter.
Author Gary Thomas says that still leaves 40 percent for a relationship to grow, and for spouses to learn to approach their marriage in different ways.
Brian and Cherie Lowe paid off $127,482.30 in debt in just over four years. They know that number to the penny because, as they’ll tell you, when you put in the work and the sacrifice to pay off a dollar amount that high, you remember it to the penny. How did they do it?
Financial foreplay.
Yep, you read that correctly. That’s a term Brian and Cherie use to explain how intricately connected finances are with marital intimacy.
Ron and Opal Erickson call themselves “musicianaires.” Ron is an accomplished steel guitarist, and Opal an accomplished vocalist. They’ve made beautiful music together for over 40 years.
They’ve also walked through the fires of a marriage that seemed irreparably broken. Through God’s grace and wisdom, they survived adultery, rejection, and betrayal and created a new marriage forged in trust, love, and grace.
God has done a remarkable work in their marriage, and we are so excited to share their story with our listeners on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Restoring Hope to Your Marriage.” Listen on your local radio station, online, on iTunes, via Podcast, or on our free phone app.
The Bible begins with marriage and ends with marriage.
That ought to tell us something about the importance God places on it. He’s infused it with profound meaning, both as a cultural institution and as one of the most significant relationships we can experience. It’s the bedrock of God’s design for families.
So where does that leave singles?
Throughout the Bible we’re reminded that God created us for community. No one is meant to be alone.
Have you ever noticed how much of Jesus’ ministry on earth was centered around meals? Among others, there was the wedding at Cana, a dinner with the reviled Zaccheus, and the beautiful symbolism of the Last Supper. Jesus was even criticized for eating with “tax collectors and sinners” (Matt. 12:16).
As one scholar put it: “Jesus ate his way through the Gospels.”
For Bri McKoy, Jesus’ ministry through meals became a model through which she created community and shared God’s love with the people He placed in her life.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
