Daly Focus Blog
I have incredible memories of spending time with my boys when they were growing up – from fun in the backyard to camping trips in Yellowstone National Park. Many of our interactions were meaningful conversations about God, the Bible, and deep issues of life. But a lot of our connections were focused on play.
Playtime is an important time of development and learning for small kids especially. It grows their coordination, their physical and cognitive development, and their problem-solving skills.
Many moms and dads are black-and-white in their parenting approach – like a light switch, all one way or all the other. What kids really need, though, is balance – like a dimmer switch, a range of responses that meet your kids at the point of their need.
Take responsibility and affirmation, for example. Some parents flick the switch toward the side of teaching responsibility where the entire focus is on things like being on time, making good grades, or getting chores done.
I’d like to share the opening entry to my marriage devotional The Healthy Marriage Devotional: 365 Daily Inspirations to Bring You Closer Together:
Author Gary Smalley has officiated a lot of weddings. He uses an unique illustration to help couples understand the nature of their relationship.
Midway through the ceremony, he’d gesture to the beautiful flowers adorning the ceremony and say to the couple, “You probably believe the garland, the boutonnieres, and the bridal bouquet represent your love – vibrant and in full bloom.” Then he’d reach into his pocket and hand the bride and groom a packet of seeds.
Howard and Danielle Taylor’s relationship is evidence that a biblical understanding of the purpose for marriage is the best foundation for weathering the rough seasons of life.
Danielle didn’t grow up in the church and Howard was raised without a dad. Both adopted unhealthy cycles of relationship they’d learned from their parents. The result was not harmony and intimacy, but arguments, stress and conflict.
Over time, they learned new patterns of relating and communicating with each other, all rooted in a biblical understanding of marriage.
The people who understand suffering the most all say the same thing: Pain strengthens our character in ways we’d never experience without it.
Like, Helen Keller, who became deaf and blind as a baby. She once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.”
Christopher Reeve, the actor who played Superman, believed the same thing. At age 43, he was thrown from a horse and paralyzed from the neck down. It took two years for him to believe that life was worth living again and to rediscover new purpose.
What does it mean to be human?
Humankind has been asking that question since the beginning. But in this age of scientific enlightenment where the latest technology routinely renders us speechless, that question has never been more prescient.
Which means our answers have never been more important.
If a fetus, at any stage of gestation, is not yet human, it has no particular value and, therefore, may be discarded as “medical waste.” Our humanity must be created and bestowed upon us by God; otherwise, it is bestowed upon us by the government.
Life is busy. There’s work, responsibilities around the house, church, and schedules overflowing with school and sporting events. What little free time remains is often consumed by technology – television, smart phones, and gaming systems.
All of which means we are, by and large, experiencing life near our children, but less and less with our children.
Unfortunately, one of the activities getting squeezed out is reading. Studies show that less and less parents are reading to their children – an indication that many moms and dads don’t realize the role this activity plays in creating a bond between children and their parents.
I have the privilege of being Dad to two boys. Men now, actually. They successfully made it through their teen years, but Jean and I were on our knees for them the whole way. We got a few things right as parents. Maybe the most important was praying for our sons.
Prayer is the “language” that connects us to values that transcend physical boundaries. Even atheists absentmindedly slip into utterances of prayer during moments of crisis.
When was the last time you were afraid?
According to world famous rock climber Alex Honnold, you need to experience something actually worthy of fear. He says if you don’t challenge yourself to face real danger and real fear from time to time, your mind will create it out of nothing.
Alex understands genuine fear. He’s a free solo rock climber, one of the most dangerous sports in the world. When he climbed El Capitan in Yosemite National Park, he did so without ropes or other protective equipment.
Personal growth doesn’t only benefit us, it ripples outward into all of our relationships, especially our marriage.
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott got a unique window into that perspective while on vacation in Italy. One day, they went to visit Michelangelo’s famous statue of King David. So did thousands of other people. To escape the crowds, the Parrotts explored a nearby wing of the building called the “Hall of the Prisoners.” It featured unfinished statues that Michelangelo considered emblematic of mankind’s struggle to feel integrated with God, with ourselves, and with the people around us.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
