Daly Focus Blog
What “season” is it for your marriage? Is it summer because things between you and your spouse are sizzling? Or is it winter because things feel a bit chilly?
Like many couples, when Jean and I first got married, we enjoyed being together every chance we could. In those early years, it was easy for us to think, “We’ll always feel this way.”
However, we soon discovered that relationships are like the weather – they change.
There’s an old saying that “laughter is good for the soul.” It’s good for the soul of your marriage as well.
My wife Jean and I have certainly discovered that to be true. Some of our greatest memories involve laughing together. A few times, we’ve laughed so hard for so long that we forgot why we started laughing in the first place. We were laughing at each other’s laughing.
One thing that’s obvious after laughing yourself to tears with someone is how connected you feel afterward.
The wear and tear of everyday life takes a toll on a marriage. On any given day you may face challenges in:
your faith
your church
extended family relationships
recreational opportunities
sexual intimacy
friendships
household responsibilities
finances
hectic schedules
a never-ending stream of parenting decisions
fill in the ___
Whew! Is it any wonder most marriages could use some maintenance?
The question is how do you fill your marriage with good things without it all becoming just more things to juggle?
Ron and Opal Erickson call themselves “musicianaires.” Ron is an accomplished steel guitarist, and Opal is an accomplished vocalist. They’ve made beautiful music together for over 40 years, not only as musicians but as a couple.
They’ve also walked through the rubble of a marriage that seemed irreparably broken. Through God’s grace and wisdom, they survived adultery, rejection, and betrayal and created a new marriage forged in trust, love, and grace.
God has done such a remarkable work in their marriage that I wanted to share their story on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Restoring Hope to Your Marriage.”
Opal shares how she stayed true to God in the wake of Ron’s affair, and how He taught her to love her husband in a new way.
As the president of an organization called Focus on the Family, you might expect me to say something like, “Never argue with your spouse.” The truth is I believe that even the most healthy, well-rounded couples need to hash things out from time to time. The key is to disagree in ways that move your relationship forward.
To do that, first recognize that avoiding conflict doesn’t strengthen your marriage – it weakens it. That sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Unresolved conflict doesn’t magically disappear. It festers beneath the surface, deepening resentment and eroding emotional intimacy.
Do you and your spouse have a “shared vision” for your marriage?
Many couples don’t. Some are so focused on their responsibilities at work, at church, and around the house that they focus on their marriage only when there’s a problem to solve. Others expect marriage to improve naturally on its own, a straight line moving upward.
Neither approach is effective.
For more than two decades, Sean and Lanette Reed have been helping couples build strong marriages.
Driving is a great illustration for life.
First, what makes driving safe? That line painted down the middle of the road. It’s a boundary that tells you what lane is yours and what lane is mine.
Second, in driving and in life, we encounter people and circumstances wherever we go that force us to respond quickly and make good decisions that protect our family and ourselves.
And third, to get to where we want to go, we have to be in the correct lane.
Today, I’ve got a simple idea to help you build a great marriage. It’s fun, too.
Laugh together.
Proverbs says, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). Jean and I have great memories of laughing together in the car or around the dinner table. A few times we’ve laughed so hard for so long that we started laughing at each other laughing.
Laughter is often more about connection than it is humor. Studies show that couples who laugh are healthier, happier and more connected.
Integrity is a paradox. It’s subtle enough that you don’t often think about it. Yet, it’s profound enough that trouble ensues when it’s missing.
Take, for example, the chess match between 33-year-old Magnus Carlsen, a grandmaster from Norway, and the 2,500th ranked player in the world from Kazakhstan. Carlsen was expected to defeat his lower-ranked opponent with ease. Instead, Carlsen was blown out in just 31 moves. How?
Carlsen says his problems started early in the match when he noticed his opponent was wearing a watch.
Guy and Amber Lia were convinced that they’d made a mistake as soon as they got married. Neither had communication skills to work through differences. Both reacted to each other instead of responding. Only a short time after their wedding, their relationship spiraled, and they considered throwing in the towel.
Every dating couple imagines marriage as a string of mountaintop experiences. We can’t fathom romance fading. We can’t foresee our conversations not stretching into the wee hours of the night.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
