Daly Focus Blog
A common question we get here at Focus on the Family is from parents who ask how to raise children who embrace the Christian faith. Many moms and dads feel unqualified to lead their children along their journey of faith.
The challenges are real. Many teens and preteens consume hours of digital media every day, which unwittingly shapes their view of God, the world, and themselves according to the values of people they don’t even know.
Have you ever:
Regretted something you said to your child in the heat of a conflict?
Or wished you’d spoken in a different tone?
Or repeated for the hundredth time this month, “Why don’t you listen to me?” or “When will you ever learn?”
We parents are busy, stressed, and pulled in a lot of directions and don’t always handle circumstances in just the right way.
According to authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake, these stumbles occur because we’re not intentional about how we respond in a crisis.
My wife, Jean, is the living embodiment of Proverbs 16:24, which says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Every time I call her on the phone, she answers with a delightful tone that lets me know she’s glad to hear from me. She reminds me that I’m loved and encourages me when I’m having a stressful day. Her positivity blesses me.
It’s not easy to speak words of blessing if we weren’t taught how growing up.
Communication can be difficult for teenagers. When my boys Trent and Troy were younger, I usually tried to strike up a conversation every morning as I drove them to school. Sometimes they were thoughtful and had a lot to say. Other days, all I got were one-word answers.
Many homes feel disconnected because children are distracted by technology. Research indicates that teenagers spend as many as seven to nine hours every day in front of some kind of screen, from computers and smartphones to tablets and televisions.
Before Greta Eskridge had children, she was a high school teacher. She was confronted by the pervasiveness of pornography when she discovered that one of her ninth-grade male students had a sexually explicit photo in his binder.
Greta asked the student not to bring material like that to her class again, and then she explained how objectifying, disrespectful, and demeaning pornography is to women. She still remembers the look of confusion that came over the student’s face.
Raising boys presents unique challenges for single mothers.
If you’re parenting on your own, one of the most important things you can do is surround yourself with a supportive community. Family. Close friends. Even people you know from work or church. The main thing is don’t go it alone. You need people who will come alongside you when the going gets tough.
You need support, but so does your son. I know you’re working hard to be your son’s source of strength, but he needs a male figure in his life who can set a good example of what it means to be a man.
Author Aaron Sharp says every new dad is like Peter Parker, the mild-mannered character in the Marvel comic series who becomes Spider-Man. A pivotal moment in Peter’s story comes when he’s bitten by a radioactive spider, and his life changes forever. Only, he doesn’t immediately realize it.
For men, life changes in mysterious ways the first time his wife says, “We’re having a baby.” They have no idea the changes coming down the pike – which leaves many guys feeling unprepared to become a dad.
According to Dr. Meg Meeker, boys today grow up in a world that is often at odds with their natural instincts to be curious and to explore. They’re taught to be cooperative and passive, to stay safe and avoid risks. What’s more, parents don’t always recognize how dangerous social media, popular entertainment, and marathon gaming can be for boys. Overconsumption can deaden their sensibilities and disconnect them from human interaction.
Dr. Meeker bases her expertise in years of clinical experience as a pediatrician, relevant scientific data, common sense, and her Christian faith.
Rich Griffith is a single Dad of three teenage sons, all of whom he adopted. He soon realized that despite ministering to teenagers for many years, he didn’t know how to disciple his children as a parent. Neither do a lot of parents.
And that is why Rich likes to help parents teach their children how to engage their world by discerning which voices in their lives are helpful and harmful. The wisdom for determining whether or not a voice is worth listening to is discovered through what he calls the “Three Ts”:
Time.
There are a lot of great dads out there, but many men are disengaged from their boys. They don’t see masculinity as a quality they offer to their sons. They see it as something boys figure out on their own.
That was my story. I didn’t have a father to teach me how to be a man. I had to figure it out by myself. But that journey wasn’t easy, and it’s why I can say from experience that leaving a boy in the hands of “trial-and-error” is not ideal.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
