Jim Daly

“Deconstruction” has been a part of the public lexicon for years. For many, it’s a season of honest questioning that leads to a deeper, more personal faith. Others detach themselves from church or abandon their belief in God altogether.

If your adult children are questioning their Christian faith or have already walked away entirely, you may feel upset and are asking yourself, “What do I do?”

On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, I’m talking with author Jim Burns about how to trust God in the midst of your confusion and to respond to children who say, “I don’t believe anymore” with wisdom and humility.

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Every one of us is wired for connection. From our earliest relationships with our parents and siblings, we learn that we need emotional nourishment as much as we need food and water.

It’s also in our formative years that we learn how we connect with others. Patterns begin to emerge that determine how we offer and receive love. Understanding those “love styles” is important because we carry them into our relationship with our spouse.

God’s desire is for us to develop a secure style of attachment; that is, to learn to offer and receive love that is present, unconditional, and sacrificial.

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At the 2008 Summer Olympics, both the U.S. men’s and women’s 4 x 100 relay teams were expected to compete for the gold medal – but shockingly, neither team even made it to the finals.

Neither American team exited the competition early because other countries were faster but because they dropped the baton during an exchange. Runners almost never drop the baton during the middle of their relay leg. They drop it in the hand-off.

The exchange is where things often go wrong for parents as well.

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One of the hardest parts of parenting during the teen years is understanding how to have conversations that really matter about tough issues like broken trust, difficult friendships, or dating. We want to help our kids become who God created them to be, but tough conversations can quickly turn emotional or tense and leave us wondering if we helped the situation or made it worse.

You may find it helpful to reframe those moments. Think of your child as a dump truck filled with diamonds.

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If you’re married, you and your spouse probably recited vows to each other at your wedding. You probably also discovered that once you stepped down from the altar, words weren’t enough. You had to live it out.

Marriage can be a struggle. You’re not living a fairytale where everything is “happily ever after.” Conflict happens. You’ll face unmet expectations, differing viewpoints, and unexpected storms – like a job loss, trouble with your kids, or heart-breaking news that threatens to pull your marriage apart.

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Middle school can be a confusing time for your children.

They’re experiencing physical changes. Their bodies flood with hormones, which leads to physical growth (some kids grow several inches during this time), hair development in private places, and skin changes: pimples, body odor, etc.

On top of all of that, school can be socially exhausting. They’re surrounded by peers they didn’t choose, and everyone is changing as quickly as they are. It’s a confusing environment within which your child is struggling to discover his or her identity.

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