Daly Focus Blog
My marriage enjoyed a significant boost a couple of summers ago on a family vacation to Glacier National Park in Montana.
Jean, the boys, and I hiked to a place called Hidden Lake but were stopped several hundred yards away. It was spawning season for the trout, and the bears were especially active. Still, from where we were, we could see the bears splashing through the water hunting for fish.
I should say my boys and I could see them.
Are you worried your spouse isn’t your soul mate?
Well, let me encourage you with this: soul mates aren’t found, they’re formed over time.
Juana Mikels and her husband, Terry, are proof of that. College sweethearts, they walked down the aisle believing the planets had surely aligned in order for them to find each other. But just two years into their marriage, the planets had all but fallen out of their orbits.
Juana was convinced she had married the wrong person.
Picture yourself in an antique store.
You’re standing before an old chair, its wood dinged up and the varnish dirty and worn. At first, you have trouble seeing past the grime and scratches to appreciate its craftsmanship.
But what if, just as you turn to leave the store, you discovered the chair belonged to Abraham Lincoln? Suddenly, instead of a banged up old relic, you’re looking at a piece of history.
What happened? The chair didn’t change.
As a single person, sometimes I look around and wonder what happened to marriage.
In my Millennial demographic, it seems like more people are choosing to live together or hookup with someone on Tinder than choosing to tie the knot.
The studies show that there’s a growing pool of young single adults who seem to have little drive to marry. A recent Pew Research study found that most Millennials won’t marry until at least age 27, and 25 percent will never marry at all.
I know my wife loves me.
She tells me so every day, but she also brings me coffee.
I usually start each day with some quiet time for devotions and to look over work for the day ahead. Many days Jean will bring me a nice hot cup of joe. It’s her way of saying, “I love you.”
I should say, it’s my way of hearing, “I love you.”
In the same way our personality has us hardwired to be introverted or extroverted, we all feel love in specific ways.
The empty nest years can sneak up on a marriage.
I shared my thoughts about this in a post a few weeks ago:
“Well-meaning moms and dads spend so many years completely devoted to the task of raising their children that they often forget to be husband and wife. It’s a situation that may be manageable while the kids are still at home and there’s enough work to ‘float’ the relationship along – but it can become unbearable after the kids move out.
Here in Colorado, you can tell that winter is right around the corner. The days are getting cooler, and you can feel it in your bones: that first arctic blast isn’t too far off.
The end of summer has me already longing for spring because once the cold, snow, and ice set in around here, they seem to last forever.
It’s no fun being stuck in winter.
That icy chill is even worse to be stuck in when it describes your marriage.
What do you use to hold your marriage together?
Super Glue?
I may as well suggest duct tape, right? According to the late Dr. Adrian Rogers, God Himself uses Super Glue.
Well, sort of.
Dr. Rogers draws from Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (ESV).
The original Greek translated into “hold fast” (“cleave” in the KJV) means “to weld or to glue.”
Commitment, not love, is the foundation of every successful marriage.
If you’re married, chances are you’ve encountered some challenges when it comes to sleeping together – and I don’t mean that kind of “sleeping together.” I mean getting some actual shut-eye.
Who can sleep through loud snoring, after all?
Or perhaps you’re married to someone who can’t stay still – there’s tossing, turning, and even “stealing” the blanket.
What about those couples who have mismatched sleep patterns or preferences – the night-owl who marries the early-bird?
Conflict over finances can be hard on a marriage. In fact, research shows that couples who argue about money are nearly twice as likely to divorce as those who don’t.
The answer to that dilemma should be easy then, right? Just manage your finances better.
But a lot of couples are surprised to learn that poor money habits are only one part of their trouble. The other part is usually the marriage itself.
Money puts stress on fractures that already exist in a marriage.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
