Daly Focus Blog
Talk shows discuss it.
Researchers study it.
Too many articles and books to count have been written about it.
I even chime in on this blog from time to time with my thoughts on it.
What’s the it I’m talking about?
It’s the secret to a happy and successful marriage.
There are a lot of practical steps couples can take to build a healthy relationship. Hopefully, you’ve learned some solid advice right here at Focus from our radio programs, periodicals, and other materials we offer.
Do you ever waste time with your spouse?
That may seem like an odd question. But your answer will get to the heart of what your relationship with your spouse is all about.
You see, some couples don’t do too well with “wasting” time with one another. Simply being together with no particular agenda and nothing to focus their attention on except their spouse is uncomfortable.
In other words, they have a hard time with intimacy.
My wife, Julie, and I are privileged to be the parents of three young boys: Riley (9), Will (4) and Alex (3), all of whom we adopted at birth.
Like any parent, we walk the hall of our home at night and peer into their darkened rooms, listening for the easy breathing of children at peace. Our boys are busy and spirited, the kind of youngsters who melt your heart and at the same time can test your patience.
Note: Our hearts are breaking for those impacted by the devastating floods in Texas, Oklahoma and Mexico. Epic rainfall has crippled the area. Reports indicate that at least 35 people have been killed and scores more are missing. Hundreds of homes have been destroyed or damaged. Please join me in praying for those mourning and navigating these very difficult circumstances. -JD
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Well, the first of the month is right around the corner, and for many of us that means the mortgage or rent is due.
Several weeks back I shared a few thoughts relating to a two-day broadcast we were airing. It was about the sexual abuse many women suffer in childhood, and the pain that follows them into adulthood.
But sexual abuse isn’t a trauma only girls face. It’s also common to boys as well — and it’s terrible for every victim.
Boys are told they shouldn’t cry. Men are supposed to be tough. They’re strong; they’re conquerors. But what do those messages imply to a boy when he has been overpowered and victimized?
Let me ask you this: Which part of your marriage relationship do you believe will develop the deepest intimacy?
Here are your choices:
Sexuality
Emotions
Spiritual connection
They each have their place, of course, but all things considered, spiritual connection with our spouse will create a deeper, more meaningful connection than the other two areas.
Here’s why: The benefits of spiritual intimacy naturally spill over into the other two areas. A spiritually connected couple will tend to have deeper emotional and sexual connection with one another.
Here at Focus we hear from women who have an identity problem. When someone asks what they do, they say, “Oh, I’m just a mom.”
Moms often have a way of seeing their own shortcomings and minimizing the role they play in their kids’ lives. I don’t believe those perceptions are accurate, but I can certainly understand the factors that drive them.
A lot of young women don’t feel capable of being good mothers. Some had poor role models growing up, and now they fear they’ll repeat the same patterns in their parenting role.
One foolish mistake on social media can haunt a person for years. All it takes is one insensitive tweet, a misinterpreted picture on Facebook, or an unguarded moment captured on Snapchat.
Think I’m exaggerating?
A recent article in The New York Times profiled people whose lives have been derailed because of something they posted to social media.
There’s the example of 30-year-old public relations consultant Justine Sacco, who sent out a racially insensitive tweet to her 170 followers before boarding a flight to South Africa.
Although the exact percentage of marriages that fail is hard to precisely peg, there’s no question divorce is a serious problem.
The question is “why?”
Every couple walks down the aisle dreaming of love, romance, and a life of happiness together. In fact, our marriage team here at Focus reports that 93 percent of Americans say a happy marriage is one of their chief objectives in life.
And, yet, the statistics also show a significant percentage of relationships will end in divorce, and about half of those will occur within the first seven years of marriage.
When Dawn left home, her sexual abuse ended, and she thought, “It’s finally over.”
But it didn’t take long for her to discover the ugly truth – the aftermath of her abuse was just getting started.
Female sexual abuse can be an uncomfortable topic to discuss. But keeping it quietly hidden in the shadows so the rest of us can breathe a little easier is precisely the kind of secrecy that keeps so many victims trapped in their pain.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
