Daly Focus Blog
Let me ask you this: Which part of your marriage relationship do you believe will develop the deepest intimacy?
Here are your choices:
Sexuality
Emotions
Spiritual connection
They each have their place, of course, but all things considered, spiritual connection with your spouse will create a deeper, more meaningful connection than the other two areas.
Here’s why. The benefits of spiritual intimacy naturally spill over to the other two areas, but not necessarily the other way around.
Marriage is changing.
There are a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which are cultural forces, political maneuverings, and judicial rulings that have systematically redefined marriage in past years.
There’s also been a shift in the average age for first marriages. More and more young people are staying single for far longer than past generations. Some are choosing not to marry at all, in many cases as a reaction to seeing their own parents divorce.
Years ago, while working as a camp counselor, author Craig Jutila floated on a canoe to the center of the lake for a few quiet hours alone. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the water was completely still.
It was after hours, and no other boats were out. So he did the only sensible thing: With an extra life jacket for his pillow, he nestled in for a short nap.
An hour later, he woke up to the voices of strangers.
Do you watch Tucker Carlson’s show on FOX News?
A few weeks ago, the popular television host offered a bold and pointed commentary on how the decline of marriage and family is driving the majority of the poverty in our nation. (You can watch and read the text here.)
He didn’t so much lay this decline at the feet of declining morals, but poor economic policies perpetuated over the last few decades by the growth of Big Government.
Comedian Ken Davis was 65 when he told his audience, “These are some of the best years of my life.”
He wasn’t joking.
He’d been a Christian for years, but it wasn’t until he was older that he’d begun living the truth of Philippians 3:10, where Paul says that he desired “to know Christ and the power of His resurrection.” Christians will experience the fullness of Christ after we die, of course, but Paul reminds us that we can also know the power of God’s resurrection in this life!
There’s good news about bad marriages: No matter how dire your circumstances, there is hope. When a marriage enters dangerous territory, the journey out isn’t easy, but the results can be beautiful.
Dr. David Clarke has a proven 90-day strategy for getting a broken marriage on track toward healing and intimacy. He says healing begins by identifying the type of marriage you’re in:
First is the couple who admits they’re unhappy and struggling, but are willing to work on it.
Theresa had a stroke 18 years ago. She doesn’t have control over her hands the way she once did. She has a hard time doing simple things in life, like styling her own hair. When she goes to the beauty salon, she leaves with a smile. She feels beautiful. But as soon as she washes her hair it falls flat, and she can’t get it to look the way the stylist does.
Andrew, Theresa’s husband of nearly 45 years, knows how much joy a new hairstyle brings her.
Lucille Williams was washing vomit out of her clothes when she thought, “This is marriage.”
She was on her honeymoon with her husband, Mike. It was the last night of their cruise, and they were enjoying a final dinner with friends they’d made that week. Suddenly, an unexpected bout of sea sickness hit Mike, and he began vomiting uncontrollably. Their dinner guests scrambled to get out of the way, but it was too late for Lucille.
Marriage is central to what we do here at Focus on the Family.
We believe that marriage is the foundation of the family. We also believe that God’s design for marriage is a relationship where both husband and wife are committed to loving and caring for one another for a lifetime.
The problem is, men and women are selfish creatures, and their selfishness comes out in all kinds of unhealthy ways. One of the most devastating aberrations is an affair.
Are you an avoider?
A pleaser?
How about a chaotic or a vacillator?
Those are four of the five the love styles you and your spouse likely see in your marriage. Their various combinations describe the core patterns driving a couple’s interactions and the problems they cause.
Avoiders and pleasers don’t experience much conflict, but for all the wrong reasons. Avoiders don’t like to have honest conversations because they get messy, and pleasers worry their spouse will get mad.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
