Daly Focus Blog
King Artaxerxes commissioned Nehemiah to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Nehemiah and his men set to work with trowels in one hand and swords in the other (4:17) defending against enemies on all sides.
In many ways, married couples face similar opposition. They’re building their homes with jobs, hard work, and children in one hand and the sword of the Word of God in the other, defending their families against a culture that’s increasingly hostile to them.
According to a recent report from the United States Census Bureau, most people believe it’s “socially desirable” for the husband to earn more than his wife.
In fact, in the event that a wife does earn more than her husband, researchers discovered that couples tend to downplay or under report the financial difference.
Why?
Obviously, there’s a lot of history, tradition and even controversy surrounding this topic. For instance, the issue of pay equity is hotly debated and often comes up in the midst of political campaigns.
It’s estimated that 80% of women are lonely in their marriages.
Many wives who struggle with loneliness believe it is impossible to change their marriages. Their relationships are plagued by disappointment, anger, or monotony. Why? The answer often lies in unmet expectations.
When we’re dating, it’s tempting to seek complete fulfillment from the person we love. But once we’re married, we find that our spouse simply isn’t able to fulfill our every need. This can lead to a host of issues.
By: Ashley Durand
Everyone said marriage would be hard.
But our first year of marriage wasn’t hard in predictable ways.
Sure, there were little adjustments here and there, tiny conflicts like agreeing on how much to budget for groceries or what time to go to bed. But we had a lot of fun together, laughed constantly, and loved each other more every day. We led small group and kids club at church, and felt God’s hand of blessing.
Well-known author and popular guest Dr. Gary Chapman says that if you really want the marriage you’ve always dreamed of, you have to be daring.
It takes courage to ask, “Honey, how can I be a better husband/wife to you? How can I make your life easier?” Those are daring questions because your spouse will give you an answer, and he or she will expect you to respond.
Look at that scenario from a different perspective, however, and you’ll see it as a chance to minister to your spouse’s heart with the love of Christ.
Did God design marriage to make us happy?
Before I answer that, let’s define our terms.
On one end of the spectrum is happiness that’s rooted in pleasure-seeking. Happiness of this sort isn’t necessarily bad, but it does have a shelf-life. It’s like eating ice cream – the dessert is tasty, but the pleasure doesn’t last very long.
On the other end of the spectrum is happiness rooted in meaningful activity, purpose, and deeply-held values that endure.
Jesus could have judged the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). She was guilty, after all. The crowd knew it. She knew it, too. And according to the strict law of Moses, she deserved death by stoning.
Rocks in hand, the men dragged the woman through the streets, and asked Jesus for her final verdict. Instead of condemning her, Jesus forgave her.
That story from the book of John is helpful for couples whose marriages have been assaulted by the betrayal of adultery.
Ding, ding, ding! Put your gloves on for round 1!
It’s healthy to disagree. Why? Because nobody is 100% correct 100% of the time. Disagreement improves ideas, charts a new course or corrects an old one, and allows people to see their faults and to grow from them. The trick is to engage in conflict in productive ways.
That’s particularly true for married couples.
With us on our radio program to offer practical guidance for strengthening your marriage through disagreeing are Ron and Deb DeArmond, authors of the book Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight.
When Jean and I entered premarital counseling, we were goo-goo-eyed and knew that we were meant for each other. We enjoyed most of the same things and were alike in almost every way.
When we finished our last session a week later, that had all changed. We were both thinking, “Wow, we are nothing alike,” and we were wondering, “Are we going to be okay?”
At some point, every couple begins to recognize their differences. And something strange happens when they do: The whole idea of “two becoming one” gets turned into, “My spouse should become more like me.”
How do couples manage their differences effectively?
One of the most powerful forces God created for humanity exists in the realm of love, sex, and romance. The potential for both pleasure and blessing is virtually immeasurable. So is the potential for destruction.
As a group, Millennials and younger generations don’t tend to believe that. A significant percentage see sex as a purely physical experience. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. From an evolutionary standpoint, there isn’t anything sacred about sex. If there is no God, then sex is strictly biological.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
